


A vampire's permanent melancholy

by Multifandom_damnation



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Accidental Bonding, Affectionate Insults, Background Rebecca Lewis, Daylighter Simon Lewis, Developing Friendships, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Jace Wayland is a Herondale, Mild Blood, Simon Lewis Needs a Hug, Supportive Jace Wayland, Team Dynamics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:33:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27935513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandom_damnation/pseuds/Multifandom_damnation
Summary: If he had been in a good mood, he would have said that all his friends were busy with their own lives and that he wanted to catch some fresh air and get a vampified coffee. But he was in a bad mood and was honestly trying to avoid everyone while wallowing in his own sorrow in a place he was almost certain that nobody would think to look at him.
Relationships: Simon Lewis & Jace Wayland
Comments: 7
Kudos: 16





	A vampire's permanent melancholy

**Author's Note:**

> I've always valued Jace and Simon's friendship, and I've been watching clips from the show and looking at screencaps from Pinterest, and just... they're great, I love their dynamic and their friendship and I wish we had gotten more, and I wish that I was better at writing them so I could fill up their tag. I find that my Shadowhunters dialogue tends to stray more towards the books than it does to the show, especially for Jace haha. But I love these characters, I really do, and I hope I do them justice.
> 
> This may seem similar to the first Shadowhunters fic that I did... because it is. Unintetually. I was half-way through writing this one when I thought 'wait this feels familiar' and I went back and read it, and though the setting is different and the conversation isn't the same and there are a lot of different things, the content is still similar. BUT! I thought I was going crazy because I distinctly remembered a scene in the book where Simon goes home only to discover that Elaine had converted her house into a holy sanctuary to keep Simon out, and she attacked him and stuff, and I wasn't sure if I was imagining it, but it seemed so vivid?? it just seemed like the sort of angsty stuff I would think up. But good news! It really happened! Thanks, wiki!
> 
> Also, this is a note, especially for my Jewish readers- firstly, happy Hanukkah! Secondly, we all know that Simon is Jewish. Duh. I wanted to incorporate that more into my writing, so Simon mentions a Jewish holiday and Jewish symbols and says Jewish words. However, I am not Jewish, and my knowledge of this is limited to information shared on Tumblr and a week of research, but if any of my Jewish readers think would be so inclined, please, please tell me if I got anything wrong or if I need to adjust anything! I tried to be sensitive and accurate, but google translate isn't very helpful when it only translates things to English, and I'm not religious so trying to read the long explanations of the religious holidays that I found was like reading code. I really hope that someone is out there and is willing to correct me on any mistakes. Please and thank you!! I really want to get it right. Translations from Google and other information about this fic will be in the ending notes.

For being the middle of the day, Taki's was surprisingly busy. A group of boisterous Shadowhunters had claimed the whole back corner of the cafe. Fae were scattered around the store, sipping at vibrantly colourful and sweet-smelling drinks. Werewolves sat at the counter, nursing beers or glasses of red wines. A warlock couple was seated at a table beside the window, laughing amicably at their pleasant conversation and ordering new drinks by clicking their manicured fingers.

Unsurprisingly, Simon was the only vampire in the cafe, and everyone from the warlocks to the fare to the werewolves to the Shadowhunters was all sending him blatant looks of suspicion and distrust. 

Which was only fair, considering this was their personal free time and they hadn't expected to spend it with a dirty vampire, and the infamous Daylighter no less.

So Simon sat in the darkened corner, staring out the window at the oblivious people walking their dogs past the Downworlder cafe. The cup of coffee would have been warm between his hands if he was drinking pure coffee and if he could feel the warmth. 

If he had been in a good mood, he would have said that all his friends were busy with their own lives and that he wanted to catch some fresh air and get a vamp-ified coffee. But he was in a bad mood and was honestly trying to avoid everyone while wallowing in his own sorrow in a place he was almost certain that nobody would think to look for him.

Had he been a different person, he would have gone to Mia at the Hunters Moon and ordered the strongest Bloody Mary they had on offer, but he already had a bad reputation in the Downworld, and that was the last thing he needed.

It was 11th of Cheshvan, the Jewish Mothers Day, and the first time he hadn't gotten to celebrate with his family. It was also the year his mother believed her son had died in some gruesome and tragic accident. It hurt not being able to see her on such a special day.

But he knew that she wouldn't be alone. Rebecca would go out of her way to throw her the most elaborate low-key celebration to make up for Simon's absence and his grandparents would arrive with trays piled high with home-cooked meals that Simon wished he could taste again, much less smell without gagging. 

Rebecca called him early this morning and asked if there was anything she could do to help the day pass easier, but their mum had come home before they could make any plans, and he missed her so much and had been so lonely as of late that just hearing her voice had made his non-existent soul feel a little bit lighter.

The Shadowhunters were still staring at him in their personal back corner, speaking amongst themselves in hushed voices and the occasional barking laughter. The werewolves were stiffed-backed and facing away from him, but would cast annoyed, suspicious glances over their shoulders at him before quickly turning away. The fae seemed ambivalent of him, but every time he met the eyes of the warlocks, they politely inclined their heads to him before returning to their drinks, an unnecessary gesture of kindness that he suspected had more to do with his relation to Magnus than anything to do with his reputation. 

"Keep staring," he called out to the rest of the cafe. "I'm not going anywhere. Not until I finish my drink, at least."

All the occupants hastily turned away, ashamed at getting caught, except for the warlock facing him, who smirked into her tea.

He rolled his eyes in response as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He sipped absently at his drink as he scrolled idly through the joyful selection of inconspicuously taken pictures that Rebecca had sent him, smiling as his family enjoyed their celebrations. Some were posed as if they had been taken just for him. He hadn't seen his mum smile like that in a long time. Rebecca ended the most recently sent collection of photos with _missing you, little bro!_

The table he was seated at jostled so harshly that his drink sloshed over the sides of the cup and onto his hand, and he glanced up, irritated and with a retort posted at the tip of his tongue, at the dark leather-clad arrival with golden hair, intricate runes swirling across every inch of skin, and a cocky smirk on his obnoxiously beautiful face. "I should have known to find you here," Jace said as he leaned back in his chair. "I've been searching all over the place."

As usual, Simon had trouble holding back his sigh. "What do you want, Jace?" he demanded. "Can't you see that I want to be _alone_?"

Jace shrugged flippantly. "I can see that, but I'm not particularly concerned with what you want. As for what I'm doing here, I came to figure out why you've been in such a bad mood this week. I mean, even for me, you've been absolutely foul."

Rolling his eyes, Simon licked the warm coffee off his hand. "I have not been _foul_."

"You have," Jace insisted. "It's been terrible. Unbearable, really. I didn't know that you could be quite so moody. Now, come on, tell me what's up with you."

"Awh," Simon teased. "The legendary Shadowhunter Jace Herondale, worried about little old me? The great hero _concerned_ for the nasty Daylighter?"

"I wouldn't go that far," Jace said. "Don't get ahead of yourself. I've just come to make sure you're not going to do anything stupid."

"Me? Stupid?" Simon snorted. "You must be thinking of a different Lewis."

Though he was trying to look uninterested, Jace kept sending side-long glances in Simon's direction as he kicked at Simon under the table. "Come on, nerd. Tell me what your deal is before I stop caring."

"I know that you meant to offend me, but calling me a nerd is actually a compliment and maybe even the nicest thing you've ever said to me," Simon said smugly as he glanced out the window and Jace crossed his arms over his chest.

Outside, a young family had seated themselves at a park bench, the two kids poking each other while their mother watched on lovingly and their father wrangled the dog who had gotten tangled up in its leash. The son scowled as their mother ruffled his hair, and his sister laughed. A panic basked was placed on the bench beside them. Jace waited patiently for Simon to gather his thoughts and formulate his words. 

"It's the Jewish Mothers Day today, where we celebrate the first mother Rachel and our own mothers, and everything they sacrificed for their children. It's the first time that I haven't been able to celebrate it with her," Simon eventually said. Jace was thankfully silent at this admission. "She thinks I'm dead. So do my _zeyde-bobe_."

There was a pause as Jace processed his words. "I didn't expect you to get so deep," he blinked. 

Still staring out the window, Simon took a shallow sip of his coffee. "Well, if you didn't want to know, then you shouldn't have asked."

Their conversation was politely interrupted by a waitress with rosy-hued skin and ears that looked like the fins of a deep-sea fish. She placed a cool, wet glass of beer in front of Jace with a polite nod as she turned away. "I still want to know what's up, but I thought that you would say something, like, your Dungeon and Dragons game got cancelled or anything just as meaningless."

"What? No," Simon eyed Jace's beer. "Really, Jace? I know that you're the high and mighty Shadowhunter who can do no wrong or whatever, but come on. It's not even the afternoon yet."

"It's five-o-clock somewhere, or whatever Magnus always says," Jace said as he began to work on the bottle cap. "So, your mother thinks you're dead. Different circumstances, but take it from me, it sucks. But you've still got your sister, right? She knows about you. Rachel? Rhonda?"

" _Rebecca_ ," Simon corrected, holding his hand out once he had gotten sick of watching Jace struggle with the bottle cap, the wet glass not allowing him to get any grip. "She's with my mum today. She's been keeping me updated with photos actually. And I love her, _so_ much, I really do, but... it's just not the same."

The corner of boisterous Shadowhunters jeered loudly, banging the table and swinging on their chairs and leaning against each other as they laughed and cheered so much that tears sprung in their eyes. A single, sharp and pointed look from Jace was enough to silence them.

Effortlessly, Simon pried the cap off the slippery bottle and slid it across the smooth wooden table to Jace's waiting hand. "They're probably laughing at you for not being able to open a bottle and needing a vampires help," Simon tried to antagonize him. "You should go over there. Kick their asses, show them who's boss."

Unphased, Jace dragged the bottle closer to them. "Let them stare. They already know who's boss. They're probably enchanted by my dashingly good looks," he kicked Simon under the table again. "Don't change the subject."

Instead of meeting his prying gaze, Simon focused on running his finger around the rim of his cup. "I've been having these... strange dreams, lately. It's hard to explain. I keep imagining that my mum defends her house from _me_ by scratching Jewish _ot_ into things. She carves Stars of David into the door handles, hangs _hamsa_ from the ceiling, carves _shin_ into the blades of knives. She wipes down the furniture and mops the floors with holy water, and we're _Jewish_. I know that it's really stupid, but these dreams feel like more than just nightmares. They feel like... predictions, almost."

Jace looked at him strangely over the lip of his bottle. "Premonitions? Come on, Simon. You don't really believe in that sort of stuff, do you?"

Simon shrugged. "Hey, I'm a vampire who can walk in the sunlight and drinks blood in my morning coffee. You're descended from angels and fight demons for a living. I don't think that premonitions are too outlandish for what our lives have become."

After a short moment, Jace shrugged. "I suppose that's true."

Outside, the young family had moved on, and a man in a long coat now smoked alone on the park bench. "I know that you probably think that I'm out of my mind, but it's a feeling that I just can't shake. But she doesn't even know I'm a vampire, so I don't know why that would ever happen. I keep thinking that she's going to take precautions to keep me out, even though she thinks I'm gone."

"Yeah, Izzy told me about that," Jace said. "Must have been hard, losing control and almost killing your sister and then forcing your mother to believe you died."

"Gee, thanks," Simon said bitterly. "I really appreciate you reminding me about that very traumatic event. Thanks so much."

Holding back a sly smile, Jace raised his arms in self-defence. "All I'm saying is that it must have been a really hard thing to go through, and I'm impressed that you handled it as well as you did. I couldn't imagine hurting Izzy or Alec like that. You're lucky that you're tougher than you look."

His coffee was cold by now, but Simon drank it anyway. "I should have listened to Raphael. He was right. He's always right. He told me that keeping in contact with my family and putting them in unnecessary risk would force us all to endure nothing but pain and heartache."

Pursing his lips, Jace drummed his nails against the cool glass in his hand, making a tinny, dull sound. "Didn't they move down to Florida?"

"Yeah, Becky comes down a few times a year and stays for a couple of weeks before she has to go home, but other than that, I hardly ever see them," Simon said. "I haven't seen my mum since the hospital, and my _zeyde-bobe_ for even longer than that. Although, I'm half-convinced that Becky would come up with some elaborate plan to bring them all back to New York just so she had an excuse to see me."

"Well, that's kind of her. A little too kind if you ask me," Jace joked as he surveyed the room. Simon wasn't willing to dignify that comment with a retort. "I'm surprised that someone would want to sacrifice their time and willingly choose to spend it with _you_."

"You wouldn't be so surprised if you were nicer and if you were, you know, fun to be around," Simon answered. Jace smirked at him proudly as Simon finished the rest of his cold coffee. "Or if people could stand you for longer than five minutes."

Impressed, Jace wagged his finger at him. "Very good, young grasshopper. You're getting better at your sassy, quick-witted retorts. Stick with me and you'll go far."

Despite how shitty Simon was feeling, he couldn't help but laugh. He and Jace may not have always seen eye to eye and weren't always the closest of friends, but despite their vast differences, Jace somehow always knew what to say to make Simon feel just a little bit better.

Outside, a mother walked past at a brisk pace, pushing a pram and speaking on the phone. A couple walked by in the opposite direction, holding hands. A striped ball rolled past the park bench, and a child stumbled over to grab it in their chubby hands. The sky was dark and grey. Simon could smell the lightning and the rain in the distance.

It was surprisingly Jace who broke the sudden yet comfortable silence that had settled over them like a warm blanket. "So," he said idly once he had taken a drink. "Do you feel up to coming back to the Institute with me?"

Honestly, Simon was about to accept his very kind offer, but he checked the time on his phone and was met by many new messages sent from his sister, some containing updates and the others including photos. "You know, I would love to, but I've got my gig tonight. I've still got to get ready for it. Will you be there?"

"That depends," Jace spun the base of the bottle on the table by the neck. It made a grinding, rattling sound on the polished wood. "Are you going to sound as bad as you usually do? If so, I'd like to spare my poor eardrums from that sort of torture."

This time, it was Simon's turn to kick him sharply under the table, and Jace hissed as he pulled back. "Ha-ha, wise guy, very funny," Simon rolled his eyes. "I like to think that I'm rather good. I've got some new material that I'm going to debut tonight, and I'm actually super proud of it. So, even though the night isn't all about you, can you swallow your ego for once and come support your friend?"

"Yes, Simon, of course, I'll be there," Jace sounded affectionately exasperated. "If only it'll stop you from brooding."

"I'm _not_ brooding," Simon insisted. 

Jace crossed his arms over his chest again. "You are brooding," he said smugly. "Like Captain America."

"What?" Simon blinked. "Do you mean... Batman?"

Suddenly, Jace didn't look quite so sure. "I don't know. You just called me Captain America the day we met, and Alec often gets annoyed with me and accuses me of brooding, so I thought maybe you had compared _me_ to Captain America because you had noticed the same thing that Alec had."

Outraged, Simon felt like he had been slapped. "No, _Batman_ broods. Captain America does _not_. He's like the Superman of Marvel."

He was met by stunned silence as Jace blinked at him dumbly. "Feel free to take this the wrong way, but I forgot how much I hate it when you speak to me because I literally never have any idea what you're saying."

Groaning, Simon stood, but he couldn't help but smile. "Very funny Blondie. Just be there tonight. I'll be expecting you," he said. "And you're paying the bill for my coffee, considering you interrupted my _'me'_ time."

Even Jace was smiling. "See you tonight, nerd."

Simon left Taki's, his hands in his pockets despite not feeling the temperature, and he relished in the scent of the approaching storm, the rain in his nose, the lightning seemingly sparking across his every molecule. He glanced back through the window of the cafe and was not surprised in the slightest to see every tenant staring at him. The warlocks seemed amused and looked him up and down like he was an item at a museum, or decoration in Magnus's apartment. The fae stared at him with unblinking eyes, as if he was about to do something amazing and they were afraid to miss it. The werewolves looked relieved yet tense, watching him with grit teeth as he met their hard gaze through the window with his calm one. The Shadowhunters were suddenly silent, watching him like a predator watches its prey, eerily calm and attentive, but coiled like a viper and waiting for the perfect moment to strike. 

Under any other circumstances, Simon might have been nervous about them coming after him and cornering him in a dark alley somewhere, Daylighter or not. He would escape to somewhere safe and hope that they forgot about him. But somehow, he didn't feel that now.

Not with Jace still seated at the table, arm slung over the back of the chair, his legs resting on the seat opposite him and a friendly smile on his face as his bright eyes watched Simon through the window. The Shadowhunters wouldn't dare make a move with Jace sitting right there, and even if they did, Jace would put them all back in their place without even pulling a blade. Simon felt safer than he had in ages, and Jace was still watching him with a small smile on his face as if he knew exactly what Simon was thinking. Maybe he did. There was probably a rune for that Simon didn't know about.

So despite how terrible he was feeling this morning, he straightened his shoulders and made his way back towards his apartment to prepare for his gig at the Hunters Moon, and he relished in the calmness of the moments before a thunderstorm with his chin held high.

**Author's Note:**

> zeyde-bobe- grandparents 
> 
> ot- Jewish symbols
> 
> shin- symbolizes El Shaddai (conventionally translated "God Almighty"), one of the Names of God in Judaism. This symbol is depicted on the ritual objects mezuzah and tefillin, and in the hand gesture of the Priestly Blessing.
> 
> hamsa- the Hamsa represents God's hand, in all faiths it is a protective sign. It brings its owner happiness, luck, health, and good fortune.
> 
> The Star of David- The Star of David, a symbol of Judaism as a religion, and of the Jewish people as a whole. And it also thought to be the shield (or at least the emblem on it) of King David.
> 
> 11th of Cheshvan- One of the most important days in the month of Cheshvan is the 11th, which commemorates the day of passing of our matriarch Rachel. From the first day of the year, the 1st day of Tishrei, the 11th day of Cheshvan is the 41st day. 41 is the numerical value of the Hebrew word "eim," which means "mother," thus the 11th of Cheshvan is truly the Jewish Mother's Day.
> 
> Here are some websites you can have a look at if you'd like to learn more about these holidays:  
> https://www.chabad.org/theJewishWoman/article_cdo/aid/580778/jewish/Jewish-Mothers-Day.htm  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jewish_history  
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jewish_symbolism


End file.
